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freedom! well, it's been freedom for a while, i finished just after the middle of june and am now luxuriating in randomly remembering 'oh my god, i don't have school next week, i don't have school again until september, i don't have anything to do!'

it feels like... a lot! being the class of 2020 for my GCSEs, i was part of the cohort that didn't do their GCSE exams, like, at all. it was difficult for my performance in these exams (i'd never done formal organised exams with study leave before, and there were a few things i wish i would've known going into my a-levels) but also my mental health—not taking my GCSEs felt like a lot of work for nothing, and now i've done my a-levels, everything feels capped off and complete.

looking back on these last two years has been a lot. i've massively come out of my shell socially, and learnt a lot about myself—mainly through giving up, which sounds weird. through-out a lot of my education, i've been The Smart One, which in no way am i complaining about, but it saddled me with a lot of baggage when the work began to get harder. gcses to a-levels is a bigger jump than you'd expect, there's actually far more change than you expect in the way that you're learning. the change absolutely threw me off, because GCSEs catered very well to the style of learning that i am particularly good at, whereas a-levels didn't—so i was in this situation where i hadn't slipped but just wasn't the same student as i was before, and it was really difficult. it took a while to embrace not getting the feedback i had hoped to get, and i ended up dropping my fourth a-level because it was just too much—but that experience really helped me confront and learn from my struggles with academic self-worth and performance. overall, it was a tough experience, but one i learnt a lot from.

since then, it's been a lot of relaxing! i know i said before i was going to try and complete A Project, and i have done the very first steps of many Projects, and then realised they would take a lot of work and said 'oh i'll do it later.' procrastinating as always! but oh well. i'm going to try and get at least something done, probably some designs, ref sheets, maybe the start of something. oh, and i've also been listening to a bunch of music (mainly prog and psychedelic rock) and catching up on all the horror podcasts (mainly Old Gods of Appalachia and The Silt Verses) that i fell behind on when i was studying very hard. feels wild to finally have energy for things!

at the beginning of july, my street and the neighbouring street close the roads and do a street fair! it hasn't happened since 2019 because of covid, but before that i would always draw portraits for people. this year i decided to expand a little and sell prints, stickers and do portraits. the prints and stickers didn't sell too well, but i had a lot of fun making them, and it was good fun to work with manufacturers and get aquianted with my local print shop. i should probably look into business cards soon! drawing portraits for 7 hours was hard work, but it was good fun, gave a few people my email out of it, and made some money. you can see the sticker design + print design i made in the portfolio page on my Neocities, but here's some glamour shots of the sticker!

A sticker of Two shooting stars, each with a heart at the centre, one black, one white, with  comet trails of the trans and philadelphia rainbow flag respectively, surrounded by a purple nebula, wrapped around a lamppost.The same sticker, on the back of a black notebook.

i think, when i go to art school next year, i'm going to see if the school will support us, or we can band together, to go sell our stuff at art fairs. they do in-school ones! also, i really wanna see if we can make it to comiccon. likely not, but oh well!

me and my friends also got together to make some fimo creatures and hang out in the garden. i've never used fimo before—it was mostly easy to manipulate, i just struggled to work on things without squishing other things, so most of what i made was very very flat. but i dutifully covered it all in gold leaf.
a yellow fimo velociraptor dinosaur and a blue fimo angel, both with gold flakes on

oh! and yes, i did catch back up with professional wrestling and enjoy myself. some thoughts:
  • forbidden door absolutely ruled from beginning to end. incredible!!!! so much good stuff!!!!! orange cassidy vs. will ospreay, toni storm vs. thunder rosa, swerve strickland & keith lee vs. el desperado & yoshinobu kanemaru, all absolutely class matches
  • r.e. orange cassidy—LOVE what they're doing with his gimmick as more irritating and mind-games-y. it creates a great story in a match and works really well in terms of 'comedy wrestler vs. serious opponent.'
  • get well soon cm punk <3 im sad we didn't get summer of punk 2 yet. maybe in the future... maybe winter of punk... i believe in him
  • the jericho appreciation society can get hit in the face with large amounts of barbed wire and i will cheer always. FUCK those guys!
  • if anyone says eddie kingston isn't one of AEW's best at the moment i will attack them. he's brought it every single match and the current feud between eddie and co & the blackpool combat club vs. the jericho appreciation society has ruled. shame bryan couldn't make it (again due to an injury. what is in the WATER!!)
  • thunder rosa and toni storm forming tag team thunderstorm is very cool. i wonder if we're leading up to women's tag team title belts? i'd love to see that. maybe we'll get mens trios belts first, cos AEW love a slow burn.
  • was randomly talking about this today—i really like how AEW is less strict with 'heel' and 'face' characterisation, not that it flip-flops, but that you can read a lot of their big guys as either way. that's pretty unconventional for wrestling, but i really really like it. the faces usually do bad things as well, and the heels usually have a point. it's interesting in terms of dynamic + fun storytelling.
  • man, i need to watch some Stardom. my womens' wrestling needs arent fulfilled atm! i'd have more time to watch if AEW wasn't so damn good at the moment...
it's late on my end! ellis signing off!

oh and some of those prints and stickers are for sale! DM me various places if you're interested!

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November 2023

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